Loneliness is a curious thing. Most of us can remember feeling most lonely when we were not in fact alone at all, but when we were surrounded by people. Everyone has experienced, at some time, that utter sense of isolation that comes over you when you are at a party, in a room full of happy laughing people, or in an audience at a theatre or a lecture. It suddenly seems to you as if everybody knows everybody else, everybody is sure of himself, everybody knows what is going on; everybody, that is, except you. This feeling of loneliness which can overcome you when are in a crowd is very difficult to get rid of. People living alone - divorced, widowed or single people - are advised to tackle their loneliness by joining a club or society, by going out and meeting people. Does this really help? And what do you do if you are already surrounded by people? There are no easy solutions. Your first day at work, or at a new school or university, is a typical situation in which you are likely to feel lonely. You feel lonely because you feel left out of things. You feel that everybody else is full of confidence and knows what to do, but you are adrift and helpless. The fact of the matter is that, in order to survive, we all put on a show of self-confidence to hide our uncertainties and doubts. So it is wrong to assume that you are alone. In a big city it is particularly easy to get the feeling that everybody except you is leading a full, rich, busy life. Everybody is going somewhere, and you tend to assume that they are going somewhere nice and interesting, where they can find life and fulfilment. You are also going somewhere, and there is no reason at all to believe that your destination is any less, or, for that matter, any more exciting than the next man's. The trouble is that you may not be able to hide the fact that you are lonely, and the miserable look on your face might well put people off. After all, if you are at a party you are not likely to try to strike up a conversation with a person who has a gloomy expression on his face and his lips turned down at the comers. So trying to look reasonably cheerful is a good starting point in combating loneliness, even if you are choking inside. The next thing to avoid is finding yourself in a group where in fact you are a stranger, that is, in the sort of group where all the other people already know each other. There is a natural tendency for people to stick together, to form 'cliques'. You will do yourself no good by trying to establish yourself in a group which has so far managed to do very well without you. Groups generally resent intrusion, not because they dislike you personally, but because they have already had to work quite hard to turn the group into the functioning unit. To include you means having to go over a lot of ground again, so that you can learn their language, as it was, and get involved in their conversation at their level. Of course if you can offer something the group needs, such as expert information, you can get in quickly. In fact the surest way of getting to know others is to have an interest in common with them. There is no guarantee that you will then like each other, but at least part of your life will be taken up with sharing experiences with others. It is much better than always feeling alone. If all this seems to be a rather pessimistic view of life, you have to accept the fact that we are all alone when it comes down to it. When the most loving couple in the world kiss and say goodnight, as soon as the husband falls asleep, the wife realizes that she is alone, that her partner is as far away as if he were on another planet. But it is no cause for despair: there is always tomorrow.